There are so many beautiful vows and decisions we make in our journey of healing, happiness, and living our best life after a divorce or breakup.
After years married to a narcissist, now you can say “Never Again” with confidence, knowing you can not only spot one, but walk away from one.
Your ex mocked and belittled your feminist beliefs, spiritual curiosity, your secret turn-on, or your desire to rescue alllll the senior farm animals your budget allows. Now this part of you takes center stage in your life and brings you great joy, and you wouldn’t consider a partner who wouldn’t applaud it
There’s a second chance to have what you didn’t have before, experience what you perhaps weren’t allowed to, prioritize what was previously diminished, unvalued, or simply not available, and explore and reclaim parts of yourself both solo and in relationships.
But before we get here, we’re forced, often by the sheer rawness of the pain, to lick and heal our wounds.
Regret, confronting realizations, and an understandable desire for forgiveness or an acknowledgement that may never come leaves us hurting and vulnerable.
This challenging place often births a dynamic that initially feels like the answer, but can only result in more pain.
In this episode, I’m going to talk about what I call the Redemption Dynamic.
On this episode of Phoenix Speaks, you’ll hear:
3 Signs or Characteristics the Redemption Dynamic may be playing a major or minor role in your current relationship
If you’re single, how to note and shift this dynamic before your next relationship
Why this dynamic initially feels appealing or ideal, and why it leads instead to more pain
The connection between redemption & rescue-fixing dynamics and self-abandonment in relationships
How the redemption dynamic can cloud your ability to accurately evaluate the health, events, and challenges in your relationship, and some examples to alert you if it’s happening
An inner look at how this dynamic played out in my own post-divorce experience
How the redemption dynamic can result in feeling trapped in a relationship, or prolong your time in a relationship that’s unhealthy, unfulfilling, or incompatible
First steps to avoid, shift, or break up with the redemption dynamic
If the Redemption Dynamic speaks to your experience, or if you’re carrying a heavy sense of regret, guilt, or shame, my upcoming Shame Softening Workshop is a perfect next step, with guided methods you can use to meet these parts of you with acceptance and compassion.
I’ll be sharing some of my favorite and most effective somatic, or body-based practices that interrupt the painful thought cycles of shame and self-judgment and enable you to connect with a sense of compassion and hope.
These tools are especially effective because they allow us to connect to a wider base of support, especially when we don’t feel worthy or able to source compassion or forgiveness within ourselves.
Join me April 30th for a free online workshop full of information and guided practices to meet areas where you’re experiencing shame and regret with compassion. Click here for details and registration and you’ll leave with simple and immediately actionable tools that will help to not only unravel the heart of the Redemption Dynamic, but also provide valuable support any time your inner critic gets noisy.
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